I knew for a long time Caleb was not “normal”. Around 16 months of age I became concerned that he wasn’t talking at all. Not even a MaMa or a DaDa. He didn’t babble and would not look you in the eye. When a stranger spoke to him he looked down or the other direction. People would say “he’s just being shy” but I knew in my heart something was wrong. My husband was in complete denial saying “he doesn’t have anything important to say”. I was really getting frustrated by all the different opinions and finally put my foot down. I took Caleb to his pediatrician and she immediately knew something was wrong. She couldn’t put her finger on it but referred us to an Early Childhood Intervention Program for evaluation.

After initial intake we were referred to another program for extensive testing. This was an all day affair. After many hours of testing and hundreds of questions we broke for a few hours. This gave time for all the different teams doing the testing to get together, review their findings and give a diagnosis.

Even though I had read so much about Autism prior to this meeting and even though I knew in my heart that Caleb was Autistic I still was not prepared for this diagnosis. Hearing the doctor detail the test result sent a roller coaster of emotions through my mind. At first I was relieved that we now knew what was wrong and we could immediately begin proper therapy. On the long drive home however I was very sad and cried. I felt like it was somehow my fault. I just wanted someone to blame, anyone.

Men tend to react with anger (according to other moms). My husband was mad telling the doctors they better be right or he would sue them. In general he made a complete ass out of himself. A big thank you to Lifetime’s movie “Miracle Run” for opening his eyes, heart and mind. As he watched the “Grocery Store” scene he sat there speechless. He then turned to look at me and said “oh my, doesn’t that look familiar”. On that day he admitted our son is autistic.

Now once you can get over the “label” and all the emotions dealing with such a diagnosis you will discover the beauty within your child’s world. Seeing through the eyes of my autistic son has taught me so much. Before I was always busy and never stopped to notice small details. Caleb forces me to do so. For example most parents when reading a bedtime story focus on the words and never take time to closely examine the pictures. Maybe we glace over it enough to admire the artist work but through the eyes of my son I see so much more and it is so beautiful. Let yourself sink into your child’s world and I assure you that your heart will be filled with wonder and happiness not sorrow.

© Racquel Morris